Love is one of the most beautiful feelings one can ever experience. It gives one the feathery wings to sore high above and feel a pleasant attention, and care of his/her partner. Everything ion the world is easy unless we complicate them ourselves. The same applies to our love life. Love is never embroiled unless we muddle it up.
There are types we fail to realize our mistakes which eventually tend to end up a relationship. We say a few things casually without realizing that it might hurt the other person. What you might say to your partner to soften their burdened heart can have a twisted impact on your relationship. Often in an argument, our mouths run off without our brains, and this might deeply hurt someone’s feelings. We may or may not realize that later, and even when we do, that’s too late. Broken glass can be fixed sometimes, but the crack remains, and in the worst of all cases, it remains broken for the rest of life.
I have seen couples squabbling over strife which leads to bigger arguments and the worst of all that happens at the end is that they end their relationship. And all this happens for petty issues that can be easily resolved or avoided. Here are a few tips of what you should not say to your partner that can affect an affiliating relationship and pose the danger of an end to it.
1. “You are overreacting” or saying her “you’re crazy”
Your Point: “I just told the truth. She need not react the way she did. She dragged a trifle into a big issue and initiated am argument. And she keeps calling me a crazy person whenever she feels like, what’s the difference when I do the same?”
This is perhaps the worst way of gainsaying a person. At times we fail to understand or catch up with the emotions of the other person and act insensibly. At the moment of a heated argument, we tend to lose our sanity and behave in a demented way, often different from the way we would react otherwise. At such moments highlighting her overreaction might irritate her more and the best way to avoid this is to keep silent and listen to her.
Also, it is highly disrespectful to call a woman ‘crazy’. She might be offended by your gawky comment which is equivalent to calling her irrelevant. This might affect her self-confidence making her realize that her feelings are not worthy of being taken seriously. You call her crazy and bury your budding relationship in a coffin. You will eventually drive her off.
2.“Stop PMS-ing, Are you on your periods?”
Your Point: “She keeps acting weird in those days of the month and I casually asked her if she had her periods or no.”
It is highly infeasible for guys to know the pain girls undergo during their menstruation period. With hormonal changes and cramps and aches in the body, it is not possible to keep calm always. It is not possible for you to understand the measures of her pain because you’ve never experienced it, and she doesn’t expect that.
Also, your casual remark might make her think that you don’t consider her cramps to be painful at all and you are not taking her pains seriously. She might feel unattended and unimportant.
Only some care and comfort are what she looks for during that time. Bringing her some chocolates might help instead of blaming menstruation for her being irritated
Also thinking that a woman can be irritated only in her periods is hilarious, annoying, and foolish to think. There’s no logic behind this as no one would ever get irritated in any situation except a woman on her periods.
3. Talking about your ex and previous relationships
Your Point: “I just wanted her to know how disloyal my ex was and how much her lack of fidelity affected my life”
Having a tedious conversation on your previous relationships can turn her off or can ever force her to burst out like a volcano. In a relationship, any woman would expect her man to talk about them, their future, and praise her. She expects your attention on her and your relationship and not on your past.
She isn’t interested in how your ex looked like or what you used to do. She will rather take an interest in what you both will do in the future. Talking too much about your past relationships might make her think that you’re not over it yet and that you did better with your ex than being with her or you were more compatible with your ex than you’re with her. It is better to avoid such a conversation relating to your past relationship experiences.
If you keep nagging about your past stories she might at one point think that you have got some problems too. She might get annoyed to hear your tragic story for long and this might lead her to break off the relationship and get rid of your moanful life.
4. Use of Expletive Words.
Your Point: “I didn’t mean what I said. It was in the heat of the moment and my tongue slipped.”
Name-calling and using swear words can be extremely demeaning and insulting and any person can feel legitimately wounded if their partner resort to using swear words in an argument. It is very immature for a person to name-call another person in the heat of the moment and also very natural for the other person to call the relationship off because of the feeling of extreme underestimation and insult.
Also, this counts as verbal abuse and no woman would love to have an abusive partner. This can not only break your relationship but also questions your character. We say things we don’t mean and then it’s too late when we realize. We can’t take back our words afterward. Only what we can do is to apologize but that would always leave a mark on your partner’s life and force her to think twice to give you a chance. She might think that if you abuse her once, you can do it again and for innumerable times.
5. “You Put Me Down”
Your Point: “I feel disappointed at her sometimes. It feels like she either makes the same mistakes intentionally or she isn’t ready to understand at all”
No one on this Earth is perfect and its very natural that’s your partner might disappoint you in many circumstances. Instead of pulling down the disappointment card, you can resolve the issue together.
Blaming her might make her feel guilty even for petty issues and she might have a feeling that she doesn’t deserve to be with you. You might end up breaking her psychologically.
Instead of playing the blame game and making her feel guilty, you can explain to her the expectations you hold on her and how she can come up with it in a gentle and polite way.
Blaming her would drive you apart because her guilt won’t let her be casual with you anymore and this might lead to an end to your relationship.
6. “You applied makeup? Seriously? I couldn’t find a difference though.”
Your Point: “That was meant to be a compliment. I wonder why she got mad at me.”
This is one of the most unlikely compliments a man can give to his partner. She puts her makeup on or does her hair differently on some special days, especially dates to look different. She would rather want to get appreciated than get unnoticed. She would like you to praise her and value her rather than casually commenting on her.
She might have spent hours to look different just because of you so that you notice her and make her feel even more special. But that comment of yours might make her feel that you don’t value her efforts, or for the worst, your comment might force her to think that her natural beauty looks fake to you.
It is better not to upset her with comments as such or it might drive her off the relationship.
7. “You look much better with your make upon. You should apply makeup more often.”
Your Point: “Girls simply can’t take compliments. I meant to say that she looked beautiful.”
You should learn to look beyond what your eyes could see. She would always love to get accepted the way she is. She would love to get appreciated for the way she looks natural and not by putting a mask of makeup. They apply makeup to simply keep pace with the fashion trends they come across in media.
Appreciating the ‘real her’ is what she would expect from her partner. In today’s world, it is very difficult to reach the heights of beauty, all thanks to the society for setting the standards of beauty too high, being over-obsessed with how a woman should look.
Your unpleasant hint on her looking beautiful with makeup on might affect her self-esteem and make her feel that you don’t love her the way she is and she is not beautiful enough. She is worthy of feeling beautiful even when she is at home, in the bare face and tangled messy hair.
8. “Who is this friend of yours? She is really cute.”
Your Point: “That was a casual compliment. She was beautiful and I said it. I find no reason for her to be upset with for this.”
Being frank always doesn’t help. Appreciating some other girls, especially her looks, is an absolute no-no in a relationship. Your girl would never like you to praise other’s beauty before her. She would always like you to think that she is the most beautiful woman you have ever met.
Praising her friend might make her feel that you take interest in her friend and can bring an instant rift between you. ‘Prevention is always better than cure’, even if you think that you can make it up to her by apologizing, her feelings might remain frangible and exposed to pain for long. So, it’s always better to avoid such unnecessary compliments. If you ever feel attracted to some other woman’s beauty, better you keep it to yourself.
9. Saying her to calm down
Your Point: “She was angry and was throwing things at me. That was an instinctual reply and never meant anything”
This phrase can instantly infuriate your partner and get her steamed. At some heated moment, this is the most uncommendable comment. She is venting her rage out and expects you to understand that instead of undervaluing her at that moment.
her temperamental and edgy behavior is just the way she expresses herself. If you ask her to ‘calm down’ at that moment, it will just work in the opposite and she will be more exasperated. So guys, avoid such affronting phrases while you are amidst a heated up argument with your sweetheart. In such situations, the best you can do is to keep shut and bear her rampage and tantrums or to agree to her ‘yes’s and disagree with her ‘no’s. Making her mad at such a situation might lead to serious arguments and wrangles that might also cost your love and put your relationship at stake.
10. You sound like my mother
Your Point: “What’s wrong in that? And would she react so weird to that? ”
Come on, guys! You know how our mothers are. Extremely protective and meddling and nagging. So, when you are calling your mad girlfriend to be like your mother, your implications are subtle and your ‘not so unintelligent’ girl-friend would understand that you are indirectly suggesting her to be annoying and nosy. You better don’t try to compare her to your mother unless you want her to be utterly disgusted with you for a long time.
11. “My friends were right about you”
Your point: “ I was being frank and realistic”
This implies that you keep shaming her before your friends, this would make her feel that you criticize her and she is a hot topic to talk about among your friends. Also, she might conclude that your friends are intruding between you both and instigating you to break your relationship by spilling poison in your ears. This will eventually drive her away from you and she would leave you.
You should not discuss your partner’s faults with your friends, or even if you do to seek help for making it better, you should not let their opinion control you. In the end, it’s your life and your decision to stay with her so correcting her faults is one of your duty.
12. Comparing her with someone else
Your point: “I want her to be more perfect”
No man is perfect in this world. We are beautiful in our ways. Some imperfections in a person are necessary to make a person unique from others. If everyone is perfect, then everyone would be the same, and you would forget to appreciate the perfections.
Comparing her with someone else will not only hurt her sentiments but would also cut to the core value. It would hurt her self esteem and make her feel worthless. Your insinuations would force her to realize that you don’t love her the way she is, she is not acceptable in her ways. This would drift you apart and on hearing this constantly she will legitimately be mad at you.
13. Always saying ‘no’
Your point: “ I always want good for her and so I don’t allow her to do definite things”
She is your girlfriend and not a thing. You don’t possess her. She is a completely different human being so let her be the way she is. You definitely can suggest to her what’s good or bad for her but ultimately it’s her choice to lead her life in her ways. Always saying her ‘no’ would make her lose her self confidence and she would lose her self confidence. She would rely on you for all the decisions she takes when she has the right to do it for herself.
Let her make her own choice and let her experience her life. Be by her in her tough times when she takes a wrong decision but she needs to learn the lessons of life on her own. Always suggesting to her the ways of life might make her feel annoyed and she becomes mad at you.
Don’t regulate your partner’s personal choice as the one who does want a hostage and not a relationship.
14. “You look awful”
Your point: “I was trying to be honest, I didn’t like her wearing that and I said that.”
Never criticize your partner based on how she looks. It’s painstaking to reach the standards of beauty set by the obsessed society and you are the last person she would prefer to hear such criticism from.
Women take time to dress up which is because they want to keep themselves up to date with the newest fashion trend and also want to make themselves look presentable. She puts a lot of effort into that.
If you do not like her way of styling say her politely. Maybe you can use some kind words instead of saying to her that she looks awful. This might hurt her sentiments and she might think that you judge her based on her appearance and the way she dresses.
15. Replying with a one-word answer.
Your point: “ what’s wrong in one-word answers like ‘okay’?”
Answering your partner in one word is perhaps the worst wrong move you make in a relationship. It makes the other person feel unimportant and undervalued. When she says something or texts something, she expects a proper reply to that, she expects you to notice her emotions wound around it and answer accordingly.
Answering in one-word can make her feel unwanted as she might think that you are no more interested to listen to what she says and this might drive you apart and create a rift. This creates a legitimate reason for her to be mad at you.
Women have a very fragile heart and get hurt very easily. It is very necessary to cross-check your words before you say to her. You don’t want to spoil her relationship with her if you truly love her. So you should avoid any kind of storm that could shake the roots of your love even before it starts flourishing. Always think twice before you speak as you might not know what would hurt her.